Friendship, faith and the boundaries between

Have you ever seen the meme that suggests: ‘No one ever talks about Jesus’s greatest miracle: having twelve close friends in his thirties’? If that raises a smile and/or rings painfully true, listen to the latest episode of Things I Wish I Knew. What Susan has to say about cultivating, maintaining and evaluating friendships might be what you need to hear.

Friendship is one of the most fundamental aspects of our human experience. It brings joy, companionship and a sense of belonging. Yet for many, especially in early adulthood, it can feel elusive. As we leave behind the structures of school and university, the pathways to meaningful connection often become less clear. What does it mean to build real friendship in a world that moves quickly, that prizes busyness and productivity, and that so often leaves us feeling alone in a crowd?

These questions have become increasingly urgent for young adults navigating life after university. In a world of social media and instant communication, connection is everywhere, yet often nowhere to be found. The promise of friendship is all around us, but the reality can feel thin, strained or even absent. Many find themselves asking: why is it so hard to make friends now? What kind of friendships do I really need? And how do I protect myself from relationships that do more harm than good?

At the heart of these questions lies a deeper one: what kind of person am I becoming, and who are the people I want to become that person with?

For Susan Akyeampong, a writer and communications manager who recently shared her story on Things I Wish I Knew, these questions came into focus when she moved to Nottingham. She hoped to find a more culturally diverse environment and, with it, deeper friendships. However, like many who move to a new place with hopeful expectations, she soon discovered how challenging it can be to form close relationships in adulthood. The freedom and independence of your twenties can be exhilarating, but they can also be isolating.

Loneliness is a feeling many of us struggle to admit to, especially in a stage of life that promises to be vibrant and full of friendships. But Susan’s honesty about her university years – surrounded by people yet feeling disconnected – is something many will recognise. In speaking openly about her experience, she invites us to confront the reality that friendship isn’t always easy. It takes time, vulnerability and discernment.

One of the most profound insights Susan shares is the importance of knowing yourself before seeking out others. In a world that constantly invites us to project curated versions of ourselves, cultivating self-acceptance becomes a display of courage. True friendship, she suggests, begins not in the effort to be liked by people, but in the willingness to be known – first to oneself, and then to others.

This universal experience resonates deeply with a Christian understanding of relationship. The gospels are filled with moments in which Jesus sees and loves people in the fullness of who they are, not in the image they try to project. Friendship in this light is not about performance but about presence. It grows where honesty, patience and mutual care are allowed to flourish.

Yet even with such ideals, friendships can be complicated. Not every connection leads to lasting intimacy. Susan speaks candidly about the need to set boundaries, to step back from relationships that no longer nourish or support growth. To be clear, this is not about giving up on people too quickly, but rather about recognising our own limits and honouring the sacredness of emotional space. As she explains, not everyone in our lives can or should have the same level of access to us.

This language of access is helpful. It invites us to consider not just the quantity of friendships we have, but the quality and purpose of those connections. Who are the people with whom we can be fully ourselves? Who are the ones who draw us closer to what is good, what is true, and what is life-giving?

In this, Susan’s reflections offer a quiet but powerful theology of friendship – one that places spiritual discernment at the centre. At her loneliest, she turned to her faith, discovering in Jesus a friend who never leaves. It was through prayer and the quiet work of grace that she began to understand what real friendship looks like. Her story reminds us that our relationship with God shapes all our other relationships. When human friendships falter or disappoint, the love of Christ remains a constant, drawing us back to ourselves and to others with renewed compassion.

It is not about having a sentimental view of friendship. It is the recognition of the cost, the effort, and the frequent disappointment that can come when we try to build real community. But it also points to a hope that even in our struggle, we are not alone; friendship is a space where we encounter grace.

In the life of Christ, we see the model of one who called others ‘friends’, washed feet, shared meals, and stayed present even when misunderstood. This kind of friendship invites us not only to receive love but to give it, generously and wisely. And it asks of us the discernment to know when to draw close and when to let go.

If these themes resonate with your own experiences, you may be interested in hearing more of Susan’s reflections. In a recent episode of our podcast, she speaks with host Julia about the challenges of forming friendships in adulthood, the importance of boundaries, and the role of faith in navigating loneliness and connection. Their conversation offers further insight into the ubiquitous but often unspoken complications of building meaningful relationships.

Listen to 'Things I Wish I Knew About Friendships and Boundaries'; and to get all of our new episodes and catch up on our first series, subscribe now >>

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